I have to say, I have found being a stay at home mom to one of the loneliest, if not THE loneliest, job I have ever done.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being at home with my precious babies. But sometimes it can really get to you, especially when you have a hyper toddler and never want to leave the house and risk being embarrased in public…so you end up staying there for days at a time. People laugh at me when I ask them to watch my kids for an hour so I can go to Target. Like going to Target isn’t fun or something. But it IS fun. It’s so nice to meander through the aisles ALONE with a latte in hand and just have a few moments of uninterrupted time.
Oh that sounds wonderful right now! ha.
Back to the lonely bit. Very few moms are able to stay home with their kids, especially here in California. I feel very fortunate to be able to do so. However, not working is a huge sacrifice for us- manily financially. There are so many times I would love to go out with the girls, or just take a day for myself, but unless my mom is in town, or my mom in law or sister in law is available to watch the kids, I’m not going.
Do you know how much baby-sisters cost these days? Seriously, its a lot!
Anyway, in order to stay sane you cultivate friendships with other stay at home moms. Many of whom might live in other towns or even other states. I keep in touch with them through facebook or by phone and now by blogging. These moms have been a wonderful source of friendship and comfort to me during my lonely times. I really believe God has planted many of them in my life so we can be a support to each other.
Honestly, I can say this….I wish I reached out to stay at home moms more before I became one. They are completely overlooked, often forgotten. Many times they are stuck at home, crying out to be with people but don’t have the resources to get out, or maybe are embarassed to invite people over because their house is bombed or feel so out of place because they have spit up all over their nice clothes and their hair is hastely done.{can you tell I’ve been there?}
As a pastor’s wife, I have felt especially frustrated. Like this week, our church is participating in a week of prayer and fasting. Since I am breastfeeding, I can’t do much fasting, and since I have the kids, its very hard to make it to the church for a prayer shift. I usually end up doing mine at home during nap time. And tonight is church, which I would love to attend, but Jake has been crying all afternoon for the paci we took away yesterday and fell asleep for his afternoon nap right before it was time to get ready for church.
So again, I will be doing my Bible study time at home. I wish I could go to the church and participate, or perhaps do what I am best at…encourage people. That’s why I am a pastors wife, afterall. But lately, I have focused on encouraging myself and my babies- for they are needing my loving molding and care. That is my first calling right now. That is my #1 ministry. I do love it. It just takes a little shift of thinking.
But when I look into their precious faces and see their eyes light up when I hug them, pray with them, laugh with them, I know I have done the right thing, lonely or not.
So going back to those moms who I keep in touch with…some of them are so inspiring. I have several very close friends, a few whom I would consider my bestest of friends{they will all appear on my blog at one point or another, so beware friends! :)}. One of them Heidi King. Heidi and I have been close for years, probably almost 15 years or so. In fact, she dated my brother for about 4 of those years, so for a time, we were like sisters. We still are. 🙂
Heidi and her husband, Chad, pastor The Promise Center, an incredible church in Santa Rosa, where I am from. If you live in the area, you must visit them, they are outstanding people with a beautiful community of saints. I respect and love Heidi for several reasons, but the main being she is a pastor’s wife, just like me, and is doing her best to blend raising two very lively children and the ministry. We have sat on the phone and laughed and cried together about life and our babies. How Jake says he is going to marry Emma Love and how those two are tornadoes of energy that keep us running. We share each other’s burdens, pray for each other and more than anything, we support each other. So wonderful!
Now onto the REAL reason for this post….
{I know, I am so longwinded. sorry}
Heidi took the plunge and decided to make her world just a tad more hectic. On January 14, she gave birth to baby #3,
Jude Everett King
He is PRECIOUS. I was able to visit them two days later and here are so pictures of my visit.
{And you will notice that Heidi is wearing one of my hoodies- my gift to her! :)}
Holding baby Jude. So tiny!
Heidi’s oldest, Joshua. He is a proud big brother.
Me with Jude, Joshua, and Emma Love, Jake’s “girlfriend.”
Heidi and I, with the new baby, yawning away. Doesn’t Heidi look amazing for less than 48 hrs after birth?!?
Heidi, I love you and your family and thank God for your friendship! Thank you for taking the first step and having #3. Now I will get to watch you and see if I want to do it! hehe.
Welcome Baby Jude. The Miraflors love you!
xoxo
The Adventures of the Miraflor Family...and Evy's Tree 
Yes Amy, I took those pics myself. Thanks! Yes, I was jealous of Miss Danielle's cute hoodie. Hopefully soon I will have the extra cash to purchase my own!Enjoyed your post. Good friendships are amazing. I've really experienced their necessity first hand since having to start from scratch in the last year & a half. Especially finding gals close to my age… AND with Jeremy working all the time, leaving me at home alone. Just know you're a super mommy! And if you ever just need someone to hang out with, I'm here. 🙂
Me! Me! (jumping up and down in her messy house with dirty hair and twitchy nerves) You just decribed me! Though my kids have gotten older and I have obtained a wee bit of freedom, I am right there with you lady… I wish we were closer so we could fold our laundry together, or run to target to together, or go to Anthropologie to try on amazing outfits we can't afford (yet!) I *heart* you.
Thank you for this wonderful post! I struggle the most with balancing ministry with babies, also. Pastoring and having little ones is definitely a challenge 🙂 Thank you for the wonderful words of encouragement!!!
@amber- good job amber on the pics! I saw you with an iphone, did you use that or another camera? And you are too sweet. I AM NOT SUPER MOMMY!! So far from the truth, but I appreciate your vote of confidence. And I will definitely make a mental note about someone to hang out with…hehe.@Janelle- I miss you! 😦 I can't tell you how much I wish we could hang out. I feel like you were stolen from me right when we started to have fun! I love you too.@ Lee Anne- I have no doubts you are doing a fantastic job. I struggle the most with feeling like a failure in the ministry while I take time to focus on my kids. I have had to learn a hard lesson that loving and taking care of my kids DOES NOT MAKE ME A FAILURE SPIRITUALLY! 🙂 Hang in there girl. Those kiddos are so precious by the way. Good job! xoxo
Oh Amy, sweetie…all us moms feel like this a lot…you are def not alone, but one thing, believe me, it does change, it is just a short season, and then your life will shift once Jake goes to school….trust me on this tho, its the early years when you are just starting out, you do feel alone, as if your friends are not on the same level as you anymore, and you end up being friends with 'older' ladies who you had looked up to in the past, but now, you find that you are on the same level as them….being a mother is such a priviledge, and I know you don't take it for granted, but its such a gift, to be able to be a mother…I was not quite 20 when I had Christian, here I am 34, with 5 kids, been married for 16+yrs, and it was really lonely in the beginning, but that has totally changed now, these kids keep us going, and I rarely get a break…loltreasure this time with your little ones, it does go by so fast, (making me cry) but I wish I could turn back the clock so many times, sure that would mean that I would not have as many kids as I do now, but we are literally months away from Christian getting a permit (I actually think I'm going to have heart failure when it happens), and then we have the other kids on all levels, and of course our precious baby boy, oh what a joy he is! One thing I know for sure, is that God has blessed me to be a SAHM for 14+yrs now, I have been the sole care giver for all of our children, never have I had to rely on daycare, that I have been the one to be able to raise our children…yes it is a financial sacrifice, but one I'm willing to give up for the care of our children…I love being a phone call away, being able to pick them up for emergencies, being able to help out in their class, attend their parties, go to their awards, be at their practices/games they have, it makes my heart smile when I know they can look around them, and always see me in the crowd, supporting them in all that they do…..I am so thankful that God has given my husband a dependable job that has been able to provide for our growing family, is it tight? yes, very much so, not sure how we will get thru tough times at times, but we do, by the grace of God we do….so yes, just keep on doing what you are doing, and be proud of what you are doing…mothers do not always get the recognition they deserve, but we do…love you Amy, hang in there, you will get thru this, so glad we've connected!xoxo, Steph
Oh yes girl I am right there with you, It's sooo hard for me to stay home…it's really does things to you (twitching)lol. I actually find it a little easier now that there both out of diapers and everything, but the fit throwing is never ending especially with 2 girls fighting over EVERYTHING even over the same babe but one has green eyes OMW!!! ahhh. Although I am sooo very thankful that I am able to stay home and have that luxury that many mothers don't have. I am Happy I happy (I keep telling my self) haha. No I am thankful! I am here girl if you need me :O)Chow
I love how you always tell it like it is. Just so you know, the grass isn't always greener on the other side either. My house still stays messy, because I am at work all day and when I do come home, I want to spend time with my kids, who have been in someone else's care all day, not pick up. They still throw fits (although, my kids are not bad fit throwers, they have moments of weakness, but don't do to bad), I still crave time alone to myself to roam through the Target aisles. I have a girlfriend that stays home who says that I would hate being a stay at home mom, but I would love to be able to have the opportunity to try it. I think that I could keep myself busy enough that I wouldn't go crazy (most days), but I don't know. I only know what it is like to stay at home during the summer months, and that is only 8 weeks, but I know that I love it!SO hang in there, I too wished we lived closer, I think I could learn so much from you! Maybe one day we will get to meet in real life!!!
I almost forgot – congratulations to your friend, she looks amazing and the baby is beautiful!
Amy, a very poignant post. It obviously provoked a lot of emotion from us because we can all relate. I find it ironic that you post this and I have been struggling with loneliness lately. I am thankful you have wonderful friends to help you through those times! I am excited for Heidi. Isn't she gorgeous? I have always thought so. You are blessed! Thank you for a beautiful perspective on how we impact our little ones. xoxo
Amy, I can related…even though I am one of those "working moms". I know we've had conversations about the grass being greener…etc..so you know how I feel. Working and wanting to be home is quite frustrating too!! Friendships are hard to make (and maintain) when you work full-time and then need to spend time at home with your family. I think mommies in general just have a difficult time finding time for friends and themselves. Jason just started a new job which means he is gone…lots. So far this month he has been gone Sunday -Friday…yep all week..every week. I cut my hours…so now I only work when the kids are in school. I am home with them before and after…which is NICE. I am loving that part of it. BUT, I am finding the evenings alone to be hard. Very lonely at times. Dealing with the kids without a break is hard. On top of that…I feel so far away from all my friends…not living in Stockton makes it harder!! And with what is happening in February…it seems to be adding pressure (of my own making I'm sure). So anyway, I just wanted to say hang in there my friend 🙂 It does get easier as the kids get older…you can take them out in public, they can go on play dates, and you have more free time. Like you said, our children are our first ministry…our first priority. You are doing an amazing job with your kids…and some day they will rise up and call you blessed! And you are an encouragement to me with this blog. Keep being you!!
Thanks everyone for you understanding and support. You know, after reading Jenni and NIcole's comments, I was thinking I probably should have entitled this "mommy thoughts" instead of "stay at home mommy thoughts" ha! It is so true, isn't it, you always think the grass is always greener on the other side. But it never is. There are pros and cons about staying home and vice a versa with working. I think mom's overall can tend to be lonely and struggle with feeling adequate. Being a mom is no longer about you, is it? ha.Jenni, I wish we lived closer too! 😦 I could learn from you, you seem like such a fun person. I love that! My friend Janelle {us four and no more, who commented above} actually lives near you I think, at least in Pheonix somewhere. Where do you live again, Janelle? Anyway, if you ever had the chance, I KNOW you would love her. She is a BLAST!! I miss her dearly! :(Nicole, I'm so glad to hear Jason got a job!!! Awesome!! Thank you Jesus! And how nice you get to be the kids more. But how horrible he is traveling so much. I'll pray for you. Yes, we tend to place more pressure on ourselves than necessary, I think. You are a wondeful mom as well, and I have always looked up to you.Audrey- praying for you girl. Trust me, I know how you feel. I understand completely. you are awesome! I think God takes us through lonely times to make us stronger in Him. xoxo
So many times I read your blog and think; "Wow, Amy is really in my head today!" You really nail it, girl. Facebook, email, and my phone…all my lifelines to the "outside" world. I think this is the most difficult time for us, Amy, because our kids are still so little they aren't really talking to us, other than demanding more juice or for another movie! But perhaps it will get easier when they actually start communicating with us like normal humans, carrying on fun conversations…hmmm, what do I know, I am just a working-hard-at-home mom with 2 energetic kids….ha… Love you girl! And geez Heidi, how CAN you look so amazing after birth??? You are gorgeous girl! Love you too!
oh and Monique! you're awesome girl, I'm so excited about your nursing cover selling that fast! wow! I appreciate our new found friendship and I love your outlook on life. Thanks so much for connecting with me!
Sosh we must have been writing at the same time. Ha. I love you too. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for that may Hawaiian vacation. We can sit on the couch and get juice for movie kids together! xoxo
And Stephanie…THANK YOU!! Your words were very encouraging! I thought I mentioned you, but I was reading back through and didn't. I know you know what you are talking about girl! 🙂 But whew! how in the world did you have all those kids?!? hats off lady!! 🙂 xoxo
Amy, If I could hug you through this computer right now I would. It is so nice to know you are not "alone" in the world. When I quit my job 2 years ago to be a SAHM I never realized the isolation that it can bring. It is the most rewarding job and yet at the same time a thankless job. It is nice to be able to attend all of Harrison's preschool functions, and be here to see Lane take her first steps and say her first words. So even though we make huge financial sacrifices and social sacrifices, I feel truly blessed. Thanks so much girl for your friendship. You are so encouraging and actually take the time to check in on my pitiful little blog- I refer to as my diary. LOL.I feel truly blessed to know you & call you my friend.xoxoMande
Anytime! =]I actually did only use my iPhone. haha I have a few awesome apps on there that make my editing a breeze. My big, fancy camera is currently broken. =Funny thing. I clicked the link to the church in Santa Rosa & realized that I recognized Chad from youth camp in Texas. haha. Small world.
Amy, that is such a real blog! And so true…I know you have two babies, so life is obviously really crazy for you, but I totally TOTALLY feel ya on the Target stroll, lol. It's so funny the things we used to take for granted B.K. (before kids), but, as you pointed out, thank You, God, for those smiles and giggles and hugs and all the joy…even on the days that start with screaming and end with peaceful bedtime!
@Mande- I wish I could hug you too! 😦 I've met so many WONDERFUL moms by blogging, you all have become my friends. Wish we could all go out to Target together. hehe And I love your blog. Your kiddos are so precious. Thank you for being my enouraging friend and reading my blog! xoxo @Amber- that's too funny! Yeah, Chad is great. I love those people.@April- So good to have you reading along!! I know exactly how you feel, sometimes we have those cry days ALL DAY LONG. How does that happen? Ha. Its still worth it though. xoxo
haha Amy! how did I have these 5 kids???wellllllll, hmmmmmmmmm……and to answer the question, yes,we will have one more baby…I want to even them out..but first, I have a hernia issue on my stomach, not sure what to do, leave it to have one more, or get it corrected than have one more??? The last one I had w/ the hernia, no probs…hmmmmmmmmm ?????eek! I'm at a loss…:(Steph