Why God?

As pastors, Brandon and I get asked that question often- in fact, we have even asked that question ourselves from time to time. Why does God allow things to happen? Why do we suffer? Why do “unfair” things happen to us? Why God, why?
I asked the Lord that again this week.
On this past Monday, March 29th, at 9 AM, Brandon’s brother Bryson and his wife, Charity, were anxiously arriving at thier 3D ultrasound/gender check. They were ushered into their ultrasound room, and began the exciting process of viewing their newborn baby. The sonogramer started the ultrasound, and a few minutes into the appoitment, they realized that there was something wrong.
There was no heartbeat.
As a mom to two little babies, I can imagine the massive amount of grief that Bryson and Chairty felt. One of my greatest fears during both of my pregnancies was entering each Dr apptoitment and waiting axiously as my Dr probed around to hear the heartbeat. I would always give a huge sigh of relief each time that the heartbeat was found.
I can’t imagine NOT finding one.
An even greater fear of mine, over not finding a heartbeat, would be having to give birth to a dead baby.  I have had a couple friends who had that happen to them. In fact, my Nannie’s first baby was a 6 month gestational stillborn little girl. To have to go through the extreme and trying time and labor and not have the joy of a heathly baby to hold at the end….well, I sure everyone can understand why that would be a fear.
But that’s what was in store for Charity and Bryson.
The baby was 17 weeks gestational. And since Charity’s body had not started the miscarriage process, she needed to be induced, go through labor and deliever the baby.
Heartbreaking. I have no idea how she did it.
After a 10 hour labor, Charity gave birth to a little baby boy.
Jericho Nathaniel Miraflor
.5 lbs
7.5 inches long
A beautiful baby boy who was fully formed, with fingers, toes,  a little nose, and tiny lips.
Anyone who ever doubted life to exist prior to birth would be proven wrong if they saw Jericho. He was perfectly human. He was a little boy. He was a LIFE.
So beautiful.
I have no idea why God decided to take Jericho so early. Or why he allowed Charity and Bryson to experience such pain. Some would say its punishment for something they did wrong. Or maybe poor healthcare. Or SOMETHING. There always has to be something to point your finger at, doesn’t there?
But I don’t believe you can do that. I believe that God is God and He is soveriegn. He knows the amount of hairs on our head, every breath we breathe, and the length of our days. And He knew that Jericho’s days would last a short 17 weeks.
And now, little Jericho is sitting at the feet of Jesus. Running through the streets of gold. Holding the hands of some of his cousins who have made it there before him.
He is not alone.
So Bryson and Chairty, I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say. I’m sure you have been, and will be, offered all sorts of advice on how to survive. I’m sorry to say I have none for you. I just know that God never puts more on you than you could bear and that HE will hold your hand through this time.
I believe that will all my heart.
And to little Jericho….we will see you again. Soon and very soon.
Jericho’s footprints next to a penny.
PS….
Due to this loss, I am running severely behind in my hoodie shipments. I am so sorry. I decided to list the hoodies despite the loss, and to be honest, that was probably a poor decision. I had The Anchor, The Light Grey Brilla’s and The Kate hoodies half done, and my plan was to finish them on Monday morn before listing{I even had two baby sitters here to assist me}. But I recieved Charity’s text around 9:15 AM and my day from there on out was focused on the baby. In fact, I slept a total of 3 hours Monday night as Charity was in labor and I could not sleep. My heart ached so much for them- so I laid wide awake, praying. Very early Tuesday morning, Brandon and I spent some time at the hospital, seeing the baby and visiting with Charity and Bryson, and to be honest, I just haven’t been able to find my sewing feet again.
I hope you will all have patience with me. All hoodies will be shipped out on or around Monday, April 5. If you have any questions regarding the arrival of the hoodies, please feel free to contact me via email.
Thank you again for your understanding and please continue to keep Charity, Bryson and the rest of their immediate family in prayer.
Love to you all.
xoxo
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9 thoughts on “Why God?

  1. Amy, I feel so sad for your family during this time of loss. I cannot even imagine going through what Charity had to go through. I had two miscarriages prior to having Ethan, and they were the hardest times of my life. I did not even have to go through a delivery or DNC after, because I was early enough that my body miscarried them both. I went through a time after the first miscarriage where I was asking God "Why?", and did not understand it. I finally came to the understanding, through prayer, that God knows and that is enough. He knows whether the baby would have lived a life of suffering from some sort of defect. He knows if we would have had to endure even more pain and loss because the baby wouldn't have lived for very long. He knows that Him taking my baby then was when I would be able to bear it the most. He knows, and that is enough. I will be keeping your family in my prayers, and I know He will get them through this.Sharla

  2. Amy – what a beautiful tribute! I cannot imagine what they must feel – but I'm so glad that they got to see him and hold him. Having had two miscarriages, I believe there might be some healing in having held him – but what heartbreak to have to go through delivery to a stillborn baby. Dennis's mother had the same thing happen – but even though they knew the baby was not living, the doctor had her carry it to full term. (That was back in the olden days..) I pray God will give YOU rest in your body and wisdom to comfort and encourage Bryson and Charity!God bless you and Brandon!ss

  3. As I'm reading your post I have a huge knot in my throat. I'm trying so hard not to start crying because all my kids are sitting here, healthy and alive and being very kid like right now. I don't think that they would understand if they see mommy crying out of nowhere. My heart is breaking for your brother-in-law and his wife. I'll pray that God gives them the strength and understanding to continue on.

  4. Wow… How heartbreaking. I've seen her comments on FB and I just didn't have the words to say. Still don't…So glad you founds words and wrote this.

  5. I could hardly stand to read this. Having just been through a miscarriage…..I just ache for her and can't imagine how much she and her hubby must hurt. No one understands until they've been through this and even then, only God truly understands.

  6. I am crying my eyes out reading this… I can't even imagine what your in-laws are going through, my heart absolutely aches for them and for their loss.I will keep you and them in my prayers. Please let me know if there is anything else that I can do.

  7. My heart has been so heavy for Bryson and Charity this week. And I don't think anyone knows the right words to say because even if you have been through it everyone deals with grief differently. Just knowing that you are there for them is the best thing you could do just like you did for me 2 years ago. Love you and we are praying for all of you.

  8. This is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry for the loss of baby Jericho. Seeing the picture of the footprints just made me cry so hard for them. I cannot even imagine how terrible this is for them & to have to go through labor. Love to you all at this time and I pray each day is a little easier for Bryson & Charity.

  9. Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry for your family's loss. How heartbreaking for all of you to go through this – I can't imagine the pain and sadness they must be enduring. This very same thing happened to my best friend 2 years ago at exactly 17 weeks, and I had one myself a few months earlier. Today, we both have beautiful baby girls that we can't imagine life without, and wouldn't have had the course of events not happened as the did. I hope they find comfort in knowing that God always has a plan for us, even though we don't always understand it. They are in my thoughts and prayers to find comfort and peace during this very sad time. Tara U

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